Taliban not good at roster updates

Turns out it's not just an Army problem.

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Some of you may remember that the United States and the Taliban are in the process of negotiating an end to the war in Afghanistan. Well, the end to the current war, because chances are pretty good that THE war in Afghanistan won’t ever really end.

Ask the Hatfields and McCoys: so long as you’ve got dudes living in the hills and those dudes have guns, you’re gonna have dudes trying to shoot other dudes in the face.

Which isn’t the point of today’s update.

The point is that the process of turning off the war is still ongoing, but not even the Taliban are sure who they’re getting back as part of the deal.


Former Taliban fighters hold rifles as they prepare to hand them over to the government of the Islamic Republic of Afghanistan during a reintegration ceremony at the provincial governor’s compound. The re-integrees formally announced their agreement to join the Afghanistan Peace and Reintegration Program during the ceremony. 05.28.2012

A key part of the conditions made by the Boys from Balochistan was the release of 5,000 Taliban prisoners from Afghan government custody. Which for some of them was a long-form look at how the NDS runs its “101 Ways To Use A Car Battery To Get People To Confess To Just About Anything” workshop.

Might be a fun off-Broadway musical.

Loud, though, what with the screaming.

What I’m saying is that the NDS are terrible people.

So the Taliban are getting 5,000 of their people back. Afghan government this week started that process by releasing 100 detainees from a Bagram area facility on Wednesday. Except the Taliban didn’t know which 100 they were getting back.

Sounds like they’ve got a roster problem, and someone in their S1 shop sucks.

The Afghans are releasing people because a few days ago, this happened.

The Afghan government’s reasoning?

Matin Bek, a member of the government's negotiating team, said the release had been delayed because the Taliban are demanding the release of 15 "top commanders".

"We cannot release the killers of our people," Bek told reporters on Monday. "We don't want them to go back to the battlefield and capture a whole province."

So now, the Afghans release 100 in the hope that this peace process stays afloat.

I know, I know, boat analogies in a landlocked country are dumb.

You know what else is dumb?

How long this fucking war has lasted.

So in the time of the Covid, not even the Taliban know who they’re getting back, and Kabul’s being a dick about the release, and this is all because the Americans meddled in the process and should have let this thing run its course years ago.