Iran so far away

Do we already miss John Bolton?

Have we hit peak Trumpistan? Are we at last at the point where the one man who wanted to go to war with Iran gets fired, and the next week Iran may or may not have done something that makes the White House want to go to war with Tehran?

Because that’s what it looks like happened over the weekend.

Tensions in the Middle East have escalated following drone attacks on two major oil facilities in Saudi Arabia.

The pre-dawn attacks on Saturday knocked out more than half of crude output from the world's top exporter - five percent of the global oil supply - and cut output by 5.7 million barrels per day.

Here’s what we know so far:

  • Someone sent something that goes bang into Aramco facilities

  • The Houthis, fighting a KSA backed force in Yemen, claimed responsibility

  • The Trump White House is ready to blame Iran

  • There’s some credence to this based on flight paths and whatnot

  • No one knows what John Bolton was doing on Saturday

Right now you’re thinking: damn. This is GREAT! Can I get more?

Yup: get some of this natsectacular goodness in your inbox.

The world’s angriest walrus has always been a hawk. And he’s been particularly hawkish on Iran. And doing something about Iran that involves bombing Iran. Basically John Bolton wanted to look like Tom Selleck and instead looks more like a character from a Woody Woodpecker cartoon.

When you’re aiming for Thomas Magnum and you land on Wally Walrus that’s bound to make you a little grump. Add to that a less than healthy dose of not trusting the browns, and you get a recipe for freeing the shit out of less advantaged people by bombing them back to a previous developmental stage.

You know who doesn’t want to go to war with Iran? The Pentagon.

They’d really like to run…far…away…from it.

The officials, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe their views, sought to emphasize the fact that no American personnel or facilities had been targeted in the weekend attacks, suggesting that a direct U.S. military response might not be merited. They also said that, if such a move was deemed necessary, the administration would need to find a valid legal basis to take action.

I like that last one, since we’ve strained the boundaries of the current AUMF to the breaking point, but it’s cute when the war machine doesn’t want to go to war. Mainly because they’re still trying to figure out who they’d piss off enough (besides the Iranians) that they’d start shooting at the US.

And this means…

  • Higher prices at the pump, because someone’s got to pay for that 50% reduction in Saudi oil production.

  • A lot of posturing by the Tweeter-in-Chief

And maybe a nice calm de-escalation hosted by North Korea because it’s 2019 and it shows no signs of getting less weird.